he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
