Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
