WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
