you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
