all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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