Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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