Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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