I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
