you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
