Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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