im drinking this country out of the recession.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I understand Curling. That high.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
