you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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