please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
