I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
should my penis look like a turkey
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
