I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
