if i can run in heels then i can drive
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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