drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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