Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
