I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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