So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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