I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
