I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
