I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
