i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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