Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
