He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
