It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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