I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
