At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
