the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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