whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hippo gnu deer
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
