I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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