Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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