billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
