why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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