Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
