if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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