Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
