I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
