The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
