I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
