Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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