NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
