Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
