I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
