Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
