Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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