omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
