Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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