He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
