She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
