I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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