i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
