I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize