my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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