at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
