1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
