You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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