I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
