I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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